Here to answer all of life’s tough questions. And please note, everything I say here is not an opinion, they are facts. Anyone who disagrees with my opinions is a close-minded bigot and will not be respected.
1. Is There Life After Death?
Yes, I would know personally. Every now and then I slow my heart rate down to the point where I flat-line, followed by being revived via zap paddles. I have met God multiple times during these visits. He’s smoked Marlboro Reds for about 2000 years now due to the stress caused by his son falling in love with a stripper. Also, He wanted me to tell you that Moses is full of shit about parting the Red Sea. They could’ve easily bought a boat to sail across on, but due to their stinginess, ended up finding a nearby raft. Lastly, He wanted more than one wife, but wasn’t allowed due to ethical reasons, so he switched up the rules and now Mormons are the only religion admitted into heav…. shit, was I talking to Satan the whole time?
Also, I only spend a minute tops on these trips because I don’t want to be on a feeding tube for the rest of my life. Yet another topic covered by God, as he told me that people on the tube are already in the afterlife, while their loved ones are busy wiping their vegetable asshole and being crippled with debt (He’s a socialist).
2. Is There Life on Other Planets?
What is life? Is life just a social construct created by the man to suppress the non-living? Seriously though, life is a subjective term. Are there some type of intellectual beings somewhere else in this Universe?
The answer is fucking simple, no. Because even if there was, it wouldn’t mean shit. Folks, we won’t make contact with aliens any time soon, sorry to break your stride. Technology will take ages to get there, if that, and the government will cover the rest up. Keep dreaming, but it’s worthless for practical reasons.
3. Is It Ethical to Eat Meat?
Are a shit ton of the animals on the food chain unethical? Is sucking dick unethical? Is going down on a black chick unethical? Is pleasing your taste buds unethical?
Yes. Killing animals with little to no cognition just to stay alive is just as bad as Hitler’s actions.
4. Should Murderers and Other Brutal Criminals Be Executed?
“An eye for an eye makes the whole world blind” – Oprah Winfrey
If everyone takes an eye for an eye, doesn’t that mean everyone still has two eyes , while one guy has three and another has one?
5. Does God Exist?
I have no definitive proof here because I think I may have been ripping butts with Satan instead of God this whole time I’ve been flat-lining. I will give you a sure answer after my next trip.
I don’t fucking know. If you want to play it safe, be agnostic.
If you have to ask this question, it’s already answered, you don’t believe in God. Don’t ask someone else to give you the answers to these types of questions.
6. Is Animal Experimentation Justified
God these questions are fucking repetitive. Just look at the pictures and there’s your answer.
No dogs in any of these? I give animal experimentation the Unipec seal of approval.
7. Should Drugs be Legal?
White people: No.
Black people: Crack was invented by the government to destroy the black man.
8. Is Torture Ever Justified?
9. Do Guns Make Society Safer or More Violent?
More violent. Want to ask real questions? Ask whether LEGAL guns make society safer or more violent.
But if we are going off that… steroids are illegal and as we all know, over 90% of fist-related crimes are due to steroid use. My ego is not safe around jacked hardos. No one wants any more juiceheads walking around in cut-off jean jackets. Literally the same cut-off every time I see them. We get it bro.
10. Is Evolution or Creationism the Truth?
Neither. The Truth is The Truth. And he goes by the formal name of Paul Anthony Pierce.