Nobody in the history of sports… no, man kind has had a bigger fallout then Tiger Woods. This guy was without a doubt the most dominant athlete in the world. He was the No. 1 ranked golfer in the world for 281 weeks strait, thats like 35 years. Everyone hated this man to. Not because he was a dick or anything, he was just so good people couldn’t stand him winning every single tournament he played. What it actually was, was the fact that nobody won money betting on golf for like 10 years because tiger was so much of a favorite people couldn’t make money betting on him so they bet on other people and Tiger shit all over their faces. Seriously I was young but i remember the most common bet was between picking Tiger or The Field, and he was still the favorite. That’s 1 guy against like 100, or however many people are in tournaments. So he was pretty good at golf.
Like I said I was young, I didn’t really watch golf, and to be honest, any elementary school kids who are watching a shit ton of golf are out of their fucking minds. I do remember watching a little here and there, mostly like the last hour on Sunday’s. I don’t think I ever saw Tiger play in anything but that red shirt he would always where on the last day of a major. So my knowledge of early the 2000’s PGA tour isn’t the best, but I never remember hating Tiger, he never really pissed me off. Obviously thought he was great and was the best golfer I’ve still ever seen, but there wasn’t really much more to him.
Until… ya know
When all this other shit started happening, It was wild. You started finding out that Tiger was getting more action then a Vegas Sportsbook and the whole country called him a scumbag and a piece of shit. This is when I started to sympathize with him a little. No I didn’t defend him, in fact I vividly remember making fun of him and laughing at his whole fall from the top. Deep down I did feel bad for him. In reality, you can’t blame him all that much. Sure the easy answer is when your Tiger Woods, the best golfer in the world, going to the club with your boys Derek Jeter and Michael Jordan every night, DO NOT FUCKING GET MARRIED. But people cheat all the time, and most people don’t live the exact same life style. so whatever I let that go and accept the fact he was done and just started seeing Tiger as an actual human being for the first time.
Then last year ESPN did a whole week on him. It was the most wild thing ever. These crazy stories came out about him and his dad, and how Tiger was this weird dude who couldn’t talk to girls, dodged meal tabs, and kinda sorta trained with the Navy Seals even though they hated him. It was about 46 pages long, full of stories like that, and I read all of it, like 3 times over the course of a week. easily the most I’ve read in my entire life. This thing blew my mind and that was when I was fully in on Tiger. I can’t explain it but the whole story interests that fuck out of me and i want, no i need to know more about this guy. It humanizes this guy people thought was a robot for like 20 years to a point that is just sad, and i could not get enough of it.
Thats why this new scandal was amazing. There was a few years there where the media was dying to keep tiger in the news so they had to try to make story lines about his golf career. I don’t give a shit about that, i could of told you that guy was done winning tournaments 3 years ago, even though i bet on him in every Masters for the past 3 years. He was going off 66-1, and i wanted to be on the right side of that miracle. when i woke up to see Tiger was in the news again for a DUI it felt like Christmas morning, only better because I actually got a present. That was officially when i decided I love Tiger Woods. Its pity, its nostalgia, its whatever you wanna call it. I guess I just got a thing for the “Bad Boy”. The video was pure gold. It was so perfect it almost looked fake.
And now this report comes out. Just when i thought Tiger couldn’t get me to love him more, he goes and does something like this.
Tiger Woods had Vicodin, Dilaudid, Xanax, Ambien and THC (tetrahydrocannabinol) in his system when he was arrested on suspicion of driving under the influence in May, according to a toxicology report released Monday. -ESPN
AND TOTALLY REDEEMS HIMSELF
This guy is nuts!!! If i mix a few beers and a puff of weed I’m locked on a couch for about 5 hours. This guy was on everything but ice skates. I respected Tiger, then I laughed at Tiger, then i felt bad for the guy, now i want to do Xanax with this bro! that is the most remarkable cycle I have ever heard of. Old Tiger is out, and new Tiger is my guy! Old Tiger can keep his trophies. This new guy is sitting on a gold mine of a reality show that will get 10x the ratings any PGA Tournament will get. As a matter of fact, I’m ready to ditch the name Tiger. That shits for the birds. He’s a 41 year old man who just got popped with a DUI for being on 5 different kinds of drugs. The cute little nickname is out. Eldrick Tont Woods is in and I cannot wait to see what he’s got in store for us next. All Hail Eldrick
I actually just found out his real name was Eldrick Tont Woods and that is terrible. Going to have to workshop a new nickname, but “Tiger” is fucking out!!!
P.S. The news report says he was arrested for “suspicion of driving under the influence”. Suspicion. I know people have rights or whatever but everyone is the country saw that video, that dude failed the shit out of his field sobriety test. Lets call a spade a spade here people.